Finding The Sun


The sun didn’t make an appearance that day. The sky and all of the attendants were draped in black. I know funerals are a “celebration of life,” but where was the joy in this setting? I missed most of what was being said as I stared at the picture that was displayed next to the caskets, my parents at their happiest. As I remained in the pew, I reminisced about my memories I had left of them. There are things we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go. This was the hardest part. I arrived home and decided not to get out of the car. Unknowingly I began to turn around and drive to the home of my deceased parents. I stayed in the driveway for a while, the snatched up the keys from the glove box, and began approaching the door. Taking cautious steps towards the doorway, hot tears began to fill my eyes. The tears that had wanted to break free of my sullen expression and harsh gaze. They left my mind as I was entering the home whose owners wouldn’t be returning. Making my way to my father’s office, I gently opened the double glass doors. Hitting me like a brick wall, the smell of cigars and many long nights filled the room permanently. I took a seat in his worn reclining chair, here I’d sit on his lap and visit him in, was now old and greyed. As I looked down, beginning to tear up, I noticed a desk drawer partially opened. Curiosity driven, I opened up the file drawer; there I saw what was left of an old men’s shoebox. Pulling out the box, I was reminded of how bad his handwriting was and I even let out a slight laugh when seeing what was held inside. Not only was it overflowing, but also it held memories of all of what made him smile. That night going through the “happy times”, I found a photo of the three of us at the beach. This brought tears to my eyes again, only this time I was remembering the car accident that took the lives of my two-childhood heroes, but allowed me to survive. That was my breaking point, and the next thing I knew I was headed there on a plane. My plan was to move to this island that brought my parents and I such joy years ago. I rented a condo right on the beach, and I went out that first sunset, to the spot that same picture had been taken. And that’s when I found the sun.


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