JO’s School Report.
What I did in my summer holiday’s
I went for a wild ride on Dads spaceship and got to ask an alien loads of questions because a time war is going to destroy our reality which Dad doesn’t think is real anyway, I normally visit him at his pad in the Trumpton Mental hospital but this time I sneaked up on him as he went for a stroll in the grounds with his girlfriend Ngwan who is a schizofrenic fighter pilot, the `RAF had to put her in the hospital because the voices have nothing to do with radio traffic. I saw dad entering what looked like a shed but was actually a very streamlined spaceship called the Snoopy. Its the very same spaceship that crash landed into Stone Henge last week when it was being chased by some very nasty squirrel people. Those are the same people that attacked Salisbury but Dad wouldn’t let me fight them as I am to little. We went to a place called the Andromeda nebula and dad launched a coagulated meson particle annihilator destroying the squirrel peoples ability to time travel which made them very cross, so they declared a holy acorn war upon the entire human race and chased us all the way to Orion.
Dr Danai eats a lot of Smarties which are specifically for diabetics, they are called Prozacs and I wish I was diabetic. She also told me that Dad was being very naughty because even time travelling psychotic squirrel people have rights. The grey and rubbery mammal prisoner that had tried to strangle Dad was over the moon because it was a victory for his whole people, Unfortunately he kept staring at Raymond the security chief so he had to have his head chopped off, which made Aunti Albert Einstein throw up all over the control panels of the Snoopy which is why we crash landed. The skipper was this really old sea captain but he got captured doing a recon of the grey rubbery peoples planet, because the coagulated Meson annihilator had be guided by a laser. So I was left on my own for three whole hours with the onboard Xbox which was fun. Dad and Dr Danai both got speared quite painfully rescuing the skipper and they swore as much as the Prime Minister did when the Squirrel commando’s raided downing street. But they both lived where as the PM didn’t survive the squirrels. It was on this mission that Raymond told me that the Dr went off on a berserker with a Winchester and assaulted the MOFO’S single handedly, accidentally spearing dad when she ran out of ammo.
When we got back mom said she was going to kill him but I am in the doghouse and hope that next year we can do some more exploring.
Copyright Steve Merrick 2012